Her birthday, her journey

Hers was a journey like many others.  She grew up in a loving home, learned to make her own decisions, dated the cutest boys and did well in school.

The years passed, and with each came a birthday.  Friends were plenty, but why wouldn’t they be? She was amazing, and her journey drew others close.

The journey brought highs.  The journey brought lows.  But she pressed onward, for it was her journey.

She found true love. Got married.  Found hope, safety and trust.  She created memory upon memory.  Truth be told, she was the reason her true love achieved the success he did. She encouraged.  She sacrificed.  She made the impossible possible. Without her, his journey wouldn’t have been much of a journey at all.

The years passed. More birthdays. She became a mom Once. Twice. Three times.  Her girls adored her from the day their precious, tiny fingers curled around hers.  But why wouldn’t they?  She was an amazing woman.  A gifted role model.  She did homework. Helped with crazy complicated projects that as a dad were far from my grasp.  She volunteered for almost anything.  But why wouldn’t she?  It’s just what someone as amazing as her would do for her family. For her community.  For her friends.

She loved on her girls when they got hurt.  She knew Band-Aids make everything better even when there’s nary a scratch.  Tears disappear with a hug, and of course some one-on-one mommy time.

The years passed, and so did the birthdays.  She grew more beautiful as the years clipped by.  If you looked close you could see the journey in her eyes. You could see it in her smile.  You could hear it in her laugh.

Her journey was a gift.  A gift to those who raised her, to her youth, her friends, her children and her true love. Her journey was a gift to those she helped, those she encouraged and those she cried with.

While this account is about my true love on this, her special day, it could easily be about the countless women who have traveled their own amazing journey, unselfishly giving the gift of themselves and shaping their corner of the world in a way only they could.

Happy birthday… Enjoy the journey.

Mother’s Day – 2014

 

This is Love. Happy Mother’s Day!

In the interim there was chaos and confusion. There were feelings of sadness, hurt and fear. There was uncertainty.

and then there was Tricia, a new beginning.

She blessed me by becoming my wife. From that came feelings of elation, joy, peace, hope and love. a best friend. a believer in me when I struggle to believe in myself. a person who listens to my stories unconditionally and loves me for who I am. not the person some might wish me to be.

and then there was Hailey, Hannah and Hope.

Tricia became greater than even I thought she could be. In her, as a mom of all moms, came kindness, protection, nurturing and teaching. a nurse when the boo-boo’s were too much to bear. a cleaner of unending laundry. an organizer of rooms. a chef of the finest foods children will eat.

a fixture at every school function, no matter how small. an inspiration for three new creations who thanks to her are well on their way to finding their unique purpose in life. a role model of a true wife and a mother, in a world where role models are fewer than ever.

in the interim there was a valley. in the new beginning there is, and forever will be, the magic, the dream, and the gift countless others relentlessly pursue but few find. I’m one of the lucky ones, undeserving of such beauty and love.

Tricia found her way to me and for that I will be enterally blessed and grateful.

Happy Mother’s Day sweetheart, I love you with all me heart. Today. Tomorrow. Forever.

– me too

Hope is 3 today! These are the words I would say…

There’s so much as Hope’s dad I want to tell her about life:

• Look both ways before crossing the street
• Work hard
• Never lie
• Manage priorities to balance your life
• Brushing your teeth is important, trust me
• Parking lots aren’t playgrounds, see those cars?
• Don’t hit people, they hit back
• Biting? Ditto.
• Make faith in Jesus a central pillar in your life

I’ll share these things, and so much more, in the days ahead. For now, I came across these lyrics from the Sidewalk Prophets song These are the words I would say:

Three in the morning, and I’m still awake
So I picked up a pen and a page
And I started writing just what I’d say
If we were face to face

I’d tell you just what you mean to me
Tell you these simple truths

Be strong in the Lord
And never give up hope
You’re gonna do great things
I already know
God’s got His hand on You
So don’t live life in fear
Forgive and forget
But don’t forget why you’re here
Take your time and pray
These are the words I would say

Last time we spoke you said you were hurting
And I felt your pain in my heart
I want to tell you that I keep on praying
That love will find you where you are

I know cause I’ve already been there
So please hear these simple truths

Say… from one simple life to another
I will say… come find peace in the Father

Be strong in the Lord
And never give up hope
You’re gonna do great things
I already know
God’s got His hand on You
So don’t live life in fear
Forgive and forget
But don’t forget why you’re here

Take your time and pray
And thank God for each day
His love will find a way
These are the words I would say

To me, these lyrics apply as much at 3 years of age as it does for 103.

Happy Birthday Hope, I love you.

Daddy

It’s that time again, the dreaded Annual Performance Review…

Yep, it comes once a year whether we (the employee or us as their manager) like it or not. The Annual Performance Review. I know, by now you’ve stopped reading this and thought to yourself “I don’t need to give my staff feedback formally because I give it all year long. I’m the model leader, others should follow my example”. If I asked your staff, would they agree with you? Hold that thought, you may not want to hear the answer.

As a leader, here’s what I believe about the annual ritual:

• Done right, reviews actually mean something to your staff
• Give praise wherever possible and be specific
• Don’t hold back on constructive feedback, but share it with respect and understanding
• Whatever feedback tool your organization uses, it probably falls short of expectations

Start the review with a conversation. Know what you intend to say and share the majority of the feedback without relying upon the template. Make eye contact. Show empathy but be firm. Finish with a quick review of the form. Give them their own copy to keep. And then conclude, but don’t forget the most important part:

Ask them if there is anything they would change. Did you leave anything out? Was anything incorrect? In short, give them a chance to respond. Hopefully you didn’t do all the talking but if you did, now it’s their time to talk. Sit there and simply listen, no matter how difficult that might be for you.

This is your chance to give your staff feedback to help them improve. To meet their personal goals. Most importantly, it’s the one truly formal time that is all theirs. Most staff arrive nervous because in their mind you are going to pass judgement on them. Even if they are a rockstar, if they are honest with themselves they are nervous about what you think. That’s true no matter how many times you informally share your thoughts with them throughout the year.

Serve your staff well. Conduct their review. Help them improve if necessary. Most importantly, praise their effort. They deserve it, and it’s a prime opportunity to celebrate their contributions to the company’s mission.

Don’t think “I have to do reviews on my staff”. Instead give thanks that you get to do them. And don’t forget to have fun!

What I learned as an interim leader…

Image courtesy of Farm4/ Flickr

Well tomorrow’s the day. It’s my last day as the interim VP for one of our departments. 6 months of my life dedicated to the role, my regular life placed on pause. I’ve learned more than I thought was possible and thought I would share just a few of those lessons with you:

• No matter how strong you think you are, there’s always something new that will stretch you
• A seat at the table brings with it an amazing perspective
• Humility goes a long way to establishing credibility; cockiness destroys it
• Every person is unique, not all will respond to your leadership style
• You can’t do everything in 6 months, no matter how much you delegate
• You can’t know everything either, rely on your team
• There is such a thing as too much change to quickly
• Trust is one of the most difficult things to achieve in a short time period
• Empower people to do great work and the super stars will rise up
• When empowerment doesn’t work, enforce accountability
• There are times when it’s worth putting your regular life on hold to help your organization
• You should listen more, and speak less (still learning that one)
• You should strive to inspire others to see, define and create the future they desire
• Don’t take too many personal items along for the ride, you’ll just have more to pack up when you leave
• While you could just ride the desk and keep the lights on, don’t
• There is stress in returning to your real job (things will be different)
• As an interim, the risk of failure is greater, but so is the possibility of success

6 months of my life, gone. But not forgotten. I wouldn’t trade the lessons I’ve learned, the people I’ve met, the relationships I’ve forged or the personal growth I’ve experienced for anything. Truly lead when called to do so. You and those around you will be better for it.